Sympathy or Empathy at Work? What's The Business Benefit?

Toni has a great character, she is warm, clever & a positive source of energy around the office. Toni has been helping out as an Object Oriented Programmer while Sheila Martin has been away on maternity leave.

Should a busy leader empathize or sympathize at work? Let's zoom in on a workplace scenario: of your colleagues, Toni, is an independent contractor who has been on a temporary project together with your unit at the Department of Justice for the last year.

Toni is your colleague & and a mate, although you have seldom met socially at office events - they is a single father & her 5-year elderly son is autistic & takes up all her spare time. You think about the successes that they has helped your unit accomplish this past year, in generating cutting-edge customer-centric self-help tools for litigants.

Today is Tuesday, the 1st week of December. of your colleagues whispers to you at the coffee machine: "Toni's contract is up. She is being let go & everybody is feeling mournful about it," says Ben, "It was usually understood that management would discover a position for her somewhere. At least, that is the impression I got."

Next week Friday, Toni will be let go. How ought to you reply? Ought to you express sympathy or empathy at work? Or perhaps do nothing. After all, they knew her contract was for a year.

Compare the following definitions of sympathy and empathy:

The act of sharing or tendency to share in an emotion or sensation or condition of another person or thing.

Sympathy

Sympathy is a social affinity in which person stands with another person, closely understanding his or her feelings.

[The Canadian Oxford Dictionary]

Empathy

[Wikipedia]

Empathy - The power of identifying oneself mentally with (and so fully comprehending) a person or object of contemplation.

[The Canadian Oxford Dictionary]

Empathy is the capacity to recognize and, to some extent, share feelings (such as sadness or happiness) that are being experienced by another sapient or semi-sapient being.

[Wikipedia]

What do you notice? The definitions above tend to overlap. There is no clear distinction or guidance as to what context ought to empathize or sympathize. In my experience, most busy business leaders are also not clear about the difference and tend to mix them up. The result can be a hybrid response that is not appropriate or effective.

Sympathy happens when they are exposed to a situation or emotion of another person and they reply appropriately through expressing, experiencing or acting on it with authenticity [my definition].

Sympathy revisited

If they were to truly sympathise with Toni, and for our sympathy to be authentic, it would insinuate that they have some kind of relationship or friendship with Toni. The relationship is usually a result of working with a colleague for a timeframe.

If you spontaneously sympathize with Toni or choose to sympathize with Toni, think about the following:

- For sympathy to be authentic, it will cost you emotional energy

- Depending on the circumstances, authentic sympathy can take lots of time

- Depending on the circumstances, the process can de-energize or energize you

- In extreme cases, individuals who spontaneously sympathized with a colleague, began to resent it later, because they were not prepared for the emotional drain on their time & energy

- Being with the other person [sym] implies they choose to own the finish result or own a portion of the finish result with the other person

As they can see from the above, there is an upside & a downside to responding with sympathy in a work surroundings.

- Showing authentic sympathy can also insinuate they are involving ourselves & feel responsible in some way

If you spontaneously empathize with Toni or pick to empathize with Toni, think about the following:

- For empathy to be authentic, it will cost you the energy of committed listening

- Being in the other person's experience means they listen to understand the distinctive experience of the other person

- Depending on the circumstances, authentic empathy can be brief or take plenty of time

- Responding with authentic empathy means they do not say, "I know the way you feel."

- When they empathize they pick not to own the result or solve issues for the other person

- Being empathic is to listen and articulate back your understanding of the emotion, the situation and key and the deeper driver, the impact or implication.

- Holding the space for the other person includes being silent and being present without an agenda

Back to the query: Ought to a busy leader empathize or sympathize at work? To sense and reply with empathy to the distinctive experiences of employees and colleagues at work, is a powerful, significant and principled way to engage people, and it is critical to the success and strategic advantage of the organization.

The preferred business response

The bottom line is that both true empathy & sympathy will cost a busy leader time, emotional energy & cognitive energy. But the upside is that authentic engagement will contribute to a culture that includes loyalty, better productivity, higher engagement & increased morale. & it all begins & ends with a conversation - conversations do count.

As a coach, my preferred response in the workplace is to empathize with authenticity, than to show sympathy, although sympathy is appropriate in some circumstances.

Dene Rossouw is the principal of AuthenticDialogue.com Inc. Dene helps leaders invite possibility through the power of dialogue. His integrative programs empower his clients to be innovative presenters, influencers & coaches at work. They helps them improve their performance & influence by obtaining the skills, strategies & tools to alter their world, conversation at a time.